Grandma: What are you reading?
Me: A book about zombies. 
Grandma: Oh good. You might be seeing some real zombies soon. 

“Have you heard the news about the cannibals?”

Me: i got these shoes in Japan.
Grandma: You mean people in Japan have big feet, too?

“Scientists and archaeologists have found vampires, giants, and zombies. The FBI knows about it. The CIA knows about it. The government is just covering it up.”

And my personal favorite (not from today):

“i saw a model at the mall the other day. She was much thinner than you.”

“And when it comes to the haters, i cannot see them like Stevie.”

That, my friends, is lyrical genius. 

1) Confession: i earlier said that i didn’t care for Paramore’s “Now.” i would like to take that back. i would also like to say that i cannot wait for their self-titled to make its way into my feeble CD collection on April 9. In fact, i am so impatient that i might just pre-order it like…right now. 

2) My friend invited me to a Color party at SoHo tonight. i had no idea what that entailed, so i asked him if it meant that black people would be heavily in attendance at this party. Much to my dismay, he responded with this, “No, it’s not that kind of color party. You wear white and people throw paint at your ass.” That is a direct quote. i decided that this did not sound like my kind of party, so i suppose this means that i will be at home tonight, compiling a list of all the things i hope to accomplish over my spring break, and this list will not include getting paint thrown at my ass.

3)  Caught in a somewhat confusing point in my life, i’m seriously debating whether or not i am capable of ever becoming something less than a lost cause in my current major. Waiting for some kind of prophetic dream that would ultimately reveal the answer to me has so far proved to be futile. All i have so far dreamed of was a confusing soap opera about my father and Chris Brown engaging in custody battles over a son that neither man can be sure of to be his actual child. If this was supposed to be an answer, i consider this to be a cruel joke. 

4) While i have no idea what i’m doing in the future, i do know what i’m definitely looking forward to. Crazy awesome music to come in the next month. Also, Circa Survive is playing in May. Music to my ears, literally. 

5) Freddie Highmore, if you need me, call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far, baby. i will be there as fast as my Converse can carry me. Even if you don’t need me, please call me. Even an email would suffice. 

Lastly, i shall leave you all with a quote from my Poli Sci professor.
“Obviously, Apple is Skynet.” 

1) i find it strange how sanguine can mean optimistic and cheerful, while the word sanguinary involves bloodshed. Perhaps they don’t come from the same root word, but even if they do, they are much too similar for me to not be utterly confused. Anyway, i’d like to thank Life of Pi for teaching me this. 

2) Watching the Valentine’s Day episode of Glee made me realize that when i go to my friends’ weddings in the future, i will be one of thosegirls getting completely trashed at the bar, bemoaning my singleness over endless refills of alcohol. Or maybe you’ll see me over at some table in corner, where i’ll be working on my sixth slice of wedding cake. 

3) Last week i had the pleasure of watching my IT professor chug a liter bottle of diet A&W in the middle of his lecture. It was so beautiful that i almost cried. 

4) According to my Political Science professor, King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette spent a majority of their time in power sniffing rubies in the bathroom of the Versailles, drowning their angst in endless replays of Joy Division records, asking the powers that be how they could possibly be expected to rule a country while being so tragically young and unqualified. 

5) John Boehner likes ass. Well, he likes saying the word “ass” when in a heat of passion that can only be fueled by the powerful subject of government spending. i occasionally throw out an “ass” here or there when i think about spending cuts. 

And that’s all i have to say for now. 

G’night.